What To Do If You Don’t Like Your Boyfriend’s Family or Friends
If you don’t you are not alone. In-laws have been a dreaded term for centuries. Though we have no chronicles of it, am sure even the cavemen had major kitchen politics going on, albeit over the fire instead of the dinner table! So don’t worry about it or beat yourself up too much. Look at it this way, if they were all polite and accepting things would have been so dull. So this is just a little drama to spice up things that’s all. Now that’s just me talking because I don’t believe that other people can dictate my happiness. But if you have really landed with a monster-in-law then maybe you really do need help. Whether it’s an overprotective mom, boorish dad, creepy uncle or nasty siblings, they shouldn’t overshadow your relationship.
Sometimes it’s not just the family but also his friends that bother. Some of them can be so annoying that it’s not funny. Few suffer from real regressive behavior, as if they are still in high school and fool around just like that. Others think every day is game night when they should hang around together, have beer and swear loudly. Many of us have made the mistake of putting all these down to the age-old justification – ‘boys will be boys’! Why on earth should they be boys when we are expecting them to grow up?!! And it’s not always that simple because men can be mean too. They can get jealous when their best buddy gets hutched and has less time to spend with them. So they make sure they are there everywhere, who cares if it means their friend may end up with a broken heart.
Now your boyfriend might be a gem and you are absolutely in love with him. Good enough reasons to hold on to him and put up with his obnoxious friends and family. But after a period of time all this negativity will start overwhelming you and put a strain on your relationship. There will be more fights and arguments than you can handle till you start asking yourself, if it’s all worth it. Of course, your boyfriend should stand up for you as much as you need to accept and adjust. Relationship is a two way business and each has to compromise equally. Instead of berating yourself and losing your confidence every time you have to meet them, start taking things in your hand. Also make sure that you don’t shout and scream at him either, for that’s just going to alienate him.
Here are some tips –
#1 – Keep your distance – You don’t always have to hand around his friends and family whenever he does. Use that time to go out and have fun with your friends or indulge in serious me-time. Just join in for special occasions which will mean more considerable gaps between each meeting. Believe me, both you and them will appreciate each other more.
#2 – Be polite but firm – For the weirdos who can’t take hints, be very firm. Do what makes you most comfortable but be polite about it. While you don’t have to go out of your way to be rude or embarrass them. If they are creepy and insistent grab any opportunity you can get to speak to them clearly with others around. That way they can’t twist your words for their gain later, you have witnesses!
#3 – Mixed parties – Instead of segregating your friends and families, plan an occasional party where you have people from both sides attending. Pit the bigot against the liberal and let them have it out with some wine and cheese thrown into the mix. The moms with kids who bore you to death, your boyfriend’s boorish friends and the single women’s club can make an interesting Saturday night.
#4 – Open communications – One of the most important thing here is open and clear communication between partners. If you go on suffering in silence and expect your boyfriend to understand you will end up getting hurt. He is not a mind reader so he needs to be told what is bothering you. Tell him what you don’t like and how will try to meet him halfway. You may be surprised about how much he will change to make you happy.
#5 – Plan great couple times – If you let him be, he will vegetate with his friends, that’s how clueless men can be sometimes. Then when you stay out with your friends all the time, he will sulk. So plan some quick affordable weekend getaways where it’s just the two of you with no one to interrupt. You will end up having so much fun that he may be the one planning the trip next time!
The bottom line is, you have to make your stand without losing your cool or your dignity.
Written by Bambi Majumdar.