7 Things To Work Out Before You Get Married
Marriage is a big step and can be harder than you think. Even if you have been in a relationship for a long time, marriage will make a difference. Definitely for the better but if you go into it blindly then you are bound to expect some disappointments in the process. So take off your rose-tinted glasses and adopt a more practical approach. There are going to be some big changes in your life and you should be adequately prepared to deal with them. Make a list of all the things that are important to you both and what could be issues later on. Unless you have a mutual understanding about these things, there could be nasty surprises in store for you.
Here are 7 things to work out before you get married:
#1 – Finances
This is by far the most important thing to keep in mind and discuss. Whether you want to continue with separate bank accounts, opt for one joint account, and have a dedicated savings account, vacation fund, retirement fund, baby fund, and college fund – there could n number of things to discuss. Of course, some of these can be one later but by openly and clearly discussing finances you lay the groundwork for your future.
#2 – Career
In this day and age there are more instances of couple working instead of one staying at home. if you other expectations of your would-be spouse then you should make it very clear right at the outset so that you can save heartaches later. Also, careers can involve long hours and travel so discuss how much of all these can be balanced so that no one feels overburdened with responsibilities or lonely.
#3 – Kids
Discuss kids and how many you want to have. Whether you want a regular 2.5 American family or want to be a chic DINK (double income no kids) couple, you should ask your partner what he or she wants before finalizing your plans. Remember, sometimes plans change. You or your partner may end up wanting kids after all so always try and empathize when you can.
#4 – Families
You are not just marrying the love of your life, you are also marrying their families. Large and boisterous, small and close knit, weird or simply cold, they come in all forms. Sit and down, have a glass of wine and discuss how each of you are going to handle family interactions. How much time you give them, how many visits are warranted, who buys the gifts are some of the many things to discuss. Before you know it you will have the while bottle emptied out!
#5 – Friends
Before you met your partner you had your friends. While your partner gets priority treatment you also like to hang out with them. This could change with marriage because you will have more responsibility and lesser free time to indulge in with your pals. Even in a live-in relationship many continue with the status quo when it comes to friends. But it doesn’t work that way for marriage and you should know it. Discuss this with your partners and see what’s the best way to balance your social life with hers.
#6 – Culture clash
We live in a multicultural society and there are more instance of inter-racial and inter-religious marriages than we could ever imagine before. Living with someone and adjusting with that person is enough even when you are deeply in love. Having cultural and religious differences come into the mix can seriously complicate things. It also involves each other’s families who may not have any clue of these differences or how to handle them. It is up to the two of you find a middle ground for all to coexist in peace.
#7 – The perfect home
When you are finally ready to settle down you need to decide on what you think your perfect home could be. It needs to reflect both your personalities and tastes, somewhere you can be comfortable and happy. You also need to have a home you can be proud of so make sure you discuss this at length with your partner. Whether you want to buy or rent, build a house from scratch, wait for while or move in to one of your homes, should be a decision taken mutually.
Written by Bambi Majumdar.