4 Ways To Keep Breakup Anger From Eating Away At You
You didn’t expect this. No way, nuh-uh, no how. When you started dating Mr. Perfect, things were supposed to go on forever, right until the end of your life. Now you just got home and saw the text message he sent while you were heading back from work. ‘Sorry, babe. I can’t do this anymore. Be good.’
Whether or not you saw this coming or it’s a blindside, you’re going to be angry. Even if you were the one to end the relationship, there’s a period of time where you need to grieve.
Anger can get the best of all of us, so here are 4 things to keep in mind that may just help you feel better and avoid letting that anger completely destroy you, your life right now, and even your future.
Accept the pain.
We can’t escape pain when something hurts us. The issue here is suffering. You can certainly ask yourself why, what’s wrong with you, why doesn’t he love you anymore, but that’s all part of suffering.
The choice here is to accept that you’re hurt but don’t go trying to dig into the psyche of the relationship and figure out what went wrong, what you could have done differently, or any of that nonsense. You can’t go back and make things work out any differently.
The only thing this type of thinking is going to do is open you up to the possibility (and even desperation) of getting back together again. Rarely (and I mean rarely) does that ever work out.
Avoid the word ‘deserve.’
When you’re angry, you think all about what you deserved or he doesn’t deserve, and so on, such as, ‘He didn’t deserve me.’ What’s that going to solve? Nothing.
You will probably take that mindset and run with it, right into the arms of another man. You might even be so inclined as to head down to your local bar and go home with the first guy who talks to you, just to ‘show your ex’ he didn’t deserve you.
Then you’ll be left with pain of a different sort (and a lot of regret).
Don’t run away from the breakup.
You could turn to food, movies, avoiding the phone when your friends are calling, and everything else you can just to avoid ‘thinking’ about the breakup.
When you run away from the problem, it doesn’t get solved. All that happens is you put yourself into a deeper state of suffering. As I mentioned in the first point, suffering is wrong, accepting the pain is good.
Get out there, answer the phone, and talk about the breakup with someone you trust, someone who will listen only and not offer advice. Talking about it helps you deal with your emotions in a healthier way.
Avoid altering the story.
You have your version, he has his. Whatever he wants to tell his friends is his business. Just make sure you don’t change your own story to make you into some type of heroine if it wasn’t true.
You can learn a lot from this past relationship and subsequent breakup, if you’re honest about it. That way you’ll reduce the chances it happens again next time.
Written by G. T. Hedlund